PMD's 'Attitude' Problem

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The Science of Love

In the February 2007 issue of the Reader's Digest, Megan Gressor writes about science and love. Believe it or not, scientists are actually researching about this feeling called love. Listed below are 12 scientifically-proven ways to find the perfect match (almost), dismissing certain cliches exploited in romantic movies and novels while justifying others.

1. LIKE SEEKS LIKE

Forget about opposites attract. I guess that can only apply to magnets. It turns out we gravitate towards people who share the same backgrounds, tastes and interests as ours. Studies have also confirmed that we prefer people who look like us, hence some spouses resemble each other.

2. DECLARE YOUR DESIRE

According to social psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron, a major turn-on is the simple realization that someone fancies you. We warm up to people who are nice to us. Haven't you noticed that most of the men who get the good girls are bolero?

3. THE EYES HAVE IT

Love at first sight? Not quite, but scientists have proven that the longer you stare at the eyes of a prospective partner, the more you like what you see. And it's a plus if your pupils are dilated (kind of like being on drugs, don't you think so?). According to a research conducted by University of Chicago professor Eckard Hess, having dilated pupils is the most attractive attribute we find in the opposite sex. Subjects who were shown two identical photos (save for the pupil size) of the opposite sex preferred the photos of the subject with larger pupils. The reason? Apparently, enlarged pupils signal intense arousal.

4. BODY LANGUAGE

The saving grace of people who don't have anything intelligent to say. The most effective ones include staring and smiling, and playing with your hair. What turns on men, according to author Allan Pease (The Definitive Guide to Body Language), is female "submission" gestures. These "submission" gestures include exposure of vulnerable areas such as the wrists or neck, or the leg twine maneuver popularized by Princess Diana.

5. BE BEAUTIFUL

I'm talking about physical beauty not the inner beauty that we've been told a thousand times to value when seeking a partner. Good-looking people, according to Gressor, are almost universally viewed as smarter, sexier and more successful than their simpler counterparts. Evolutionary social theorists say that we prefer attributes that improve the chances of successful reproduction. Now you know why men go for younger women with long, shiny hair and full hips, and women like taller and older men.

6. HOME IS WHERE IT'S AT

So that's why long-distance relationships don't work. Forget about the cliche 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' Apparently, repeated exposure to the object of our desire is more beneficial as it makes us like the other person more, unless we dislike them the first time we set eyes on them. Propinquity, indeed, makes the heart grow fonder.

7. AVOID COMPARISONS

Never compare your prospective partners to the "it" boys and girls on glossy magazine covers. A study made by Sara Gutierres and Douglas Kenrick of Arizona State University's psychology department showed that men gave their prospective partners lower scores after being shown Playboy centerfolds and watching a TV show with pretty female stars.

8. LOVE AT FIRST FRIGHT

They say the more aroused we are when we're with a prospective partner, the more attractive we're likely to find them. This was tested by University of Texas psychologists Cindy Meston and Penny Frohlich when they asked subjects to rate members of the opposite sex before and after a roller coaster ride. It turns out that whatever the cause of our thumping heart, if we ascribe it to the person we're with, we feel attracted to her or him. I think they call it excitation transfer.

9. NAMING GAME

What's in a name? Apparently, a lot, according to Dr. Albert Mehrabian of the University of California's psychology department. People perceive that you share the same attributes with well-known person just because you share their name. Some names are also linked to negative attributes such as Roxanne, Bertha or Darcy. So parents, think wisely when it comes to naming your kids. People would definitely have second thoughts dating people named Adolf, Homer, Saddam or Randy. Although here in the Philippines, I know a lot of people named Randy. Look it up the dictionary if you don't get what I mean.

10. BEER GOGGLES

I haven't stayed that long in a bar to see this effect, but studies have shown that single people seeking partners in bars are less picky as closing time approaches. This finding was dubbed as the "beer-goggles effect." Professor Jamie Pennebaker of the University of Texas asked subjects to rate potential partners thrice, from 9 pm, 10:30 pm and midnight. The results? The subjects rated their potential dates highest by midnight.

11. KEEP THEM HAPPY

In short, the better we feel, the more we like whomever we're with. So men, cheer her up fast.

12. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS

Research shows that women who advertise themselves focus on their appearances while men emphasize their resources. The older a man is, the more replies he gets while the opposite is true for women. But if you don't have the looks or the resources, it's important to put in the word "warm" in your ad. I guess that would suffice for most people.

BOTTOM LINE:

The bottom line, according to Gressor, in scoring the perfect partner: "... take your date bungy-jumping or sky diving to ensure they are well-aroused, catch a movie featuring lots of ugly actors, then finish the evening in a dimly lit bar. Even if the beer-goggles effect doesn't kick in, the darkness should dilate your pupils and enhance your chances."

Source: The Science of Love by Megan Gressor (Reader's Digest, February 2007 Issue)

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