There was one night the other week that I had been up till
the wee hours of the morning. Trying to figure out what to do to spend my remaining energy,
I browsed through my notebooks and reread entries I’ve written over the years.
There were the usual journal entries, a short story, unfinished stories, song
lyrics I loved, poems and songs I wrote, quotes from my favorite novels and poems,
and then there was this poem from Rainer Maria Rilke.
Just a short intro on how I came upon Rilke. I first read
one of his poems from our college textbook called Prism. A few years back, I just suddenly, out of the
blue, thought about him while I was searching for poem compilations of great
poets. I saw this one, entitled "You Who Never Arrived," and I instantly became a fan.
Maybe it’s because of the weather this past week or maybe
because I’ve been listening to Damien Rice of late (especially as he wails “I
am lately lonely/ horny”) that I suddenly remembered this poem.
Perhaps because my own search is starting to mirror this poem.
====================================================== You Who Never Arrived
You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of
the next moment. All the immense
images in me -- the far-off, deeply-felt
landscape, cities, towers, and bridges, and
unsuspected turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods--
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.
You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house-- , and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,--
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and,
startled, gave back my too-sudden image.
Who knows? Perhaps the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...
-Rainer Maria Rilke
